Friday, June 23, 2006

Interstitial Power

Scientists have discovered a means of harnessing the power latent in interstitial ads - the blink-and-you-miss-'em commercials that savvy website operators use to snare twenty-first century eyeballs.

Each blipvert releases a tiny amount of energy that is usually lost to the environment, thus contributing to global warming. But by inserting a tiny gold wire in each web page, and linking the wires up to a sophisticated global network, scientists at MIT have managed to aggregate the wasted power and direct it to the benefit of human kind.

A public demonstration of the new technology showed 98 million separate "browsing instantiations" generating a respectable 1.2 volts for a duration of eight seconds, and lighting a small flashlight bulb.

The latest subliminal ads for a well-known restaurant chain are the first commercials to come pre-laced with the energy-collecting wires. It's claimed the new worldwide "I'm shovin' it" campaign will directly offset the environmental impact of 17 trillion fries.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

The Uninflected Rage of Davina Belpaese

A new print of Wim Flinsky's arthouse classic was unveiled today at the prestigious Balhambra cinemateque in south London.

The new print was made possible by a cash injection from the UK National Lottery, with matching funds supplied by EuroKultur.

Film buffs are now launching a new appeal, aimed at raising enough to thread the new print onto the Balhambra's projector.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Mr Thoughtful

International Trusted Rug Convention Signed

Leaders of the free world met in Geneva today to ratify the Convention on Trusted Rugs following five years of often bitter acrimony, horsetrading and deceit.

The convention ensures that, for the first time in history, every rug woven in any of the signatory countries is produced without recourse to violence.

A new logo was also unveiled. Rug users will be able to check qualifying floorcoverings for the distinctive "bee and nut" logo before finalising their purchase transactions.

The world leaders, assembled for the traditional end-of-conference group karaoke session, refused to comment on rumors that non-compliant rugs will now be withdrawn from all horizontal surfaces found to be harboring them.

"We will not be pulling any rugs," said Fredonian premier Tony Blair. "We'd have to raise tacks first."

Tuesday, June 20, 2006


A new, softer and more caring approach to management is quickly gaining ground amongst alternative business gurus. Owing more to family favorite Nanny McPhee than traditional business thinkers such as Pad Mai Fee, the fresh science of nanagement promises to raise productivity and put a smile back on the teary faces of today's information workers.

Nanagement practitioners work one-on-one with employees to help them reach the so-called "nanny state" - a blissed-out yet totally focused "zone" of "natural effectiveness" and "quotation marks". Trainees learn how to trigger the state themselves, using simple everyday objects such as blankets and rice pudding.

Studies emerging from a poorly lagged thinktank suggest that nanagement may be more effective in alleviating unhappiness, uncertainty and boredom than more mainstream solutions such as medication, cognitive behavioral therapy and threats.

However, not everyone is convinced at the rise and rise of nanagement. A school of dissidents calling themselves "Theory Eggs Over Why" are pushing an alternative approach known simply as nagging.

"We find that nagging is just as effective as nannying in controlled tests," said a spokesperson for the group. "Our new, lightweight, n-agile (TM) method makes nagging accessible to everyone who wants to give it a whirl in the workplace."

Meanwhile, holistic consultants are working on a high-level portable synthesis of the competing methods, currently dubbed no-no-nano-nagile-nanagement.

Monday, June 19, 2006


Can't Pathe - a company with an illustrious history - come up with anything better than its current ident? It looks like it's made out of cardboard and wire coat hangers. No expense spent, and all that.