World's Most Boring Film And Annoying Tune

Is this the most boring film ever made? Does it have the most annoying tune ever recorded?

This is like being trapped inside one of Martin Parr's Boring Postcards for what feels like eternity, but is really only two and a half minutes.

The starring station is London Waterloo - see if you can spot Jason Bourne in the crowd. (Hint: He's not there.)

Resolution: Four Chain Restaurants I Will Definitely Open Before 2020

Toast Of The Town

Toast! Toast of all kinds, prepared with sensitivity and panache by our highly trained tostadas. With your choice of spreads and toppings, all served in adorable (yet biodegradable) sachets. From two earth pounds per slice.

Red

At Red, all the food is red. Our best sellers are raw beef and wine gums - but only the red ones, of course. Free jam refills.

Wikileeks

Recipes curated by the online community. The only rule is that they've got to contain leeks - after that, let your imagination run wild! Warning: Dishes contain leeks.

Flour Of Scotland

Celebrate the very best in Scottish flours at our latest franchise restaurant concept. We've got wholemeal, we've got refined, we've even got lumpy. In fact, we've got rather a lot of lumpy. And to wash your flour down, what could be more appropriate than a fine, aged Scottish gravy?

Prime Development Land

I've always loved this picture of a "coastline" on Titan, one of the moons of Saturn. Looking at it again today, I've realised that you can make out the A35 trunk road.

Le Scramble

A planned distribution of envelopes of cash was called off this weekend when 5,000 people showed up in the centre of Paris ready to catch the flying money. I won't mention the name of the company behind the stunt, because they've had enough publicity out of the whole thing, and because you probably wouldn't be able to buy their product or service or whatever it is anyway.

It just seems to me that 5,000 people is a pathetically small turnout for a well publicised cash handout. 200,000 people can squeeze into Trafalgar Square (that was the capacity crowd at 1990's poll tax riot) and they'll do so without any inducements other than a few (fake) lions, a much-reduced flock of (real) pigeons, and a little man standing on the top of a big pole. The riot police still turned out though.

On the other hand, it's good to see that people are still interested in free money. I worry that as society continues to develop in leaps and bounds, we're losing touch with the important things in life, such as acquisition, competition and publicity. Hoorah (or possibly hoopla) for the good people - and police - of Paris for showing us the way. Tehran, please take note.

Virgin Mary Acts Rationally, Claims Bishop

"It doesn't make sense to me that Our Lady, in some way, would tell someone 'I'll see you in Knock on the 5th of December'," Bishop Walsh said, scathingly. "That goes away from the rational."

Belfast Telegraph

Oddest "Poor Battery Life" Metaphor Ever

"Battery life is the boil on the face of most smart phones, and RIM claims the Bold 9700 will lance that boil in time for the BlackBerry ball."

cnet

**Warning: Article headline includes phrase "less big".

Trump Protesters Escalate From Horses' Heads

A sperm whale that washed up on the beach at Balmedie, just north of Aberdeen, has been removed to a landfill site after it began to get too smelly.

This is the environmentally sensitive site where Donald Trump plans to build his golf course 'n' apartments complex. Is the dead whale a message to The Donald? I'd like to think so. I know a few fishmongers in Aberdeen who'd slip you a sperm whale under the counter if they knew it was for a good cause.