Rare and protected: The Speculoos

As regular readers will know, I'm one of the world's foremost international biscuit photographers. I've just completed an assignment in Toulouse, France's fourth largest city. I managed to stalk this elusive biscuit and corner it on a table at the jardin des plantes (trans: garden of plants). The client was delighted with the image and told me to go ahead and eat the biscuit if I wanted. Needless to say, I won't be taking any more assignments from them.

That Would Be No -- Episode 357

Great Moments in Cinema: No. 1

George C Scott in The Hospital (1971)

Great British Landmarks: The Four Angels of the City

Leadenhall Market, London

Open: every day

Admission: free 

These charming medieval sculptures depict the traditional "four angels" of the City of London: Pestilence, Fraternity, Pavarotti and Libor. 

Notice also the battered representation of an olde-worlde speaker phone behind the two figures on the left. Legend has it that the angels received instructions via this device from the slightly sleazy pagan god "Charlie".

Stake Your Claim

Does your insurance policy cover you for disposing of dead bodies? This helpful article considers this important issue.

Great Names of Our Times #651

A young woman detained for shoplifting in the Trenton, Pa area is named Ikea L. Lynch.

Sorry about my child's smell.

Scent from my Tyrone.

Crime Spree in Grass Valley, California

Here are some extracts from the Grass Valley police blotter for 5 August 2010.

I'm no Sherlock Holmes, but I detect a pattern here:

12:29 p.m. — A caller from a business in the 100 block of Mill Street reported two 8-year-old boys had been caught shoplifting. They were warned and the merchandise was recovered.

12:49 p.m. — A man from the 100 block of Alta Street reported a vehicle had been egged.

9:45 p.m. — A caller from the 100 block of Neal Street reported two boys stole cheese and left on bikes.

10:18 p.m. — A caller from the 800 block of West Main Street reported two boys running and diving into bushes who might be up to no good.

They're just trying to make an omelette.

Sugar Smarts

Don't forget: eating sugar makes you more intelligent! Eat more sugar and you too will be able to use a computer, even if you are a girl.

Your Next Social Move

Did you know that the Pressing Iron and Trivet Collectors of America have an annual convention? You do now.

from Inforum: The Forum of Fargo-Moorhead

World's Most Boring Film And Annoying Tune

Is this the most boring film ever made? Does it have the most annoying tune ever recorded?

This is like being trapped inside one of Martin Parr's Boring Postcards for what feels like eternity, but is really only two and a half minutes.

The starring station is London Waterloo - see if you can spot Jason Bourne in the crowd. (Hint: He's not there.)

Resolution: Four Chain Restaurants I Will Definitely Open Before 2020

Toast Of The Town

Toast! Toast of all kinds, prepared with sensitivity and panache by our highly trained tostadas. With your choice of spreads and toppings, all served in adorable (yet biodegradable) sachets. From two earth pounds per slice.

Red

At Red, all the food is red. Our best sellers are raw beef and wine gums - but only the red ones, of course. Free jam refills.

Wikileeks

Recipes curated by the online community. The only rule is that they've got to contain leeks - after that, let your imagination run wild! Warning: Dishes contain leeks.

Flour Of Scotland

Celebrate the very best in Scottish flours at our latest franchise restaurant concept. We've got wholemeal, we've got refined, we've even got lumpy. In fact, we've got rather a lot of lumpy. And to wash your flour down, what could be more appropriate than a fine, aged Scottish gravy?

Prime Development Land

I've always loved this picture of a "coastline" on Titan, one of the moons of Saturn. Looking at it again today, I've realised that you can make out the A35 trunk road.

Le Scramble

A planned distribution of envelopes of cash was called off this weekend when 5,000 people showed up in the centre of Paris ready to catch the flying money. I won't mention the name of the company behind the stunt, because they've had enough publicity out of the whole thing, and because you probably wouldn't be able to buy their product or service or whatever it is anyway.

It just seems to me that 5,000 people is a pathetically small turnout for a well publicised cash handout. 200,000 people can squeeze into Trafalgar Square (that was the capacity crowd at 1990's poll tax riot) and they'll do so without any inducements other than a few (fake) lions, a much-reduced flock of (real) pigeons, and a little man standing on the top of a big pole. The riot police still turned out though.

On the other hand, it's good to see that people are still interested in free money. I worry that as society continues to develop in leaps and bounds, we're losing touch with the important things in life, such as acquisition, competition and publicity. Hoorah (or possibly hoopla) for the good people - and police - of Paris for showing us the way. Tehran, please take note.

Virgin Mary Acts Rationally, Claims Bishop

"It doesn't make sense to me that Our Lady, in some way, would tell someone 'I'll see you in Knock on the 5th of December'," Bishop Walsh said, scathingly. "That goes away from the rational."

Belfast Telegraph

Oddest "Poor Battery Life" Metaphor Ever

"Battery life is the boil on the face of most smart phones, and RIM claims the Bold 9700 will lance that boil in time for the BlackBerry ball."

cnet

**Warning: Article headline includes phrase "less big".

Trump Protesters Escalate From Horses' Heads

A sperm whale that washed up on the beach at Balmedie, just north of Aberdeen, has been removed to a landfill site after it began to get too smelly.

This is the environmentally sensitive site where Donald Trump plans to build his golf course 'n' apartments complex. Is the dead whale a message to The Donald? I'd like to think so. I know a few fishmongers in Aberdeen who'd slip you a sperm whale under the counter if they knew it was for a good cause.

Signs and Portents

Laist are hot and bothered (actually, they're cool and unruffled) about 90210 featuring an impossible location: two characters meet under a letter of the HOLLYWOOD sign, which is off-limits to the public.

Makes sense, doesn't it? If ordinary folks could clamber up to the sign then there'd be all sorts of shenanigans afoot. Letters would be smashed up and/or stolen. Then all the people who live to the east of the sign would be able to pour through to the west - and, before we knew it, east and west America would be reunified and the capitalist system would be consigned to the trash can of history.

Nightmare Job #439

"Busy surgeon has many great ideas for science fiction, historical fantasy and adventure novels, wants to pay a co-author to actually flesh out the ideas and outlines into complete novels..."

elance (may well require registration)

This busy surgeon is advertising on elance for a ghostwriter, and I'm sure he (it's got to be a he, surely) will get lots of offers. I'd be more interested in writing the story of the busy surgeon who dreams up science fiction, historical fantasy and adventure while he's hacking away in the theatre.

Or perhaps I could pitch an "alternative reality" novel where a writer gets a job as a busy surgeon? I reckon I could "flesh out" as well as the next guy, given the right instruments, and someone to catch me when I faint.

Girls And Corpses Magazine

“I keep a corpse in my car for shoots and stuff,” he said. “You never know when you’ll need one.”

LA Weekly