Nanagement

A new, softer and more caring approach to management is quickly gaining ground amongst alternative business gurus. Owing more to family favorite Nanny McPhee than traditional business thinkers such as Pad Mai Fee, the fresh science of nanagement promises to raise productivity and put a smile back on the teary faces of today's information workers.

Nanagement practitioners work one-on-one with employees to help them reach the so-called "nanny state" - a blissed-out yet totally focused "zone" of "natural effectiveness" and "quotation marks". Trainees learn how to trigger the state themselves, using simple everyday objects such as blankets and rice pudding.

Studies emerging from a poorly lagged thinktank suggest that nanagement may be more effective in alleviating unhappiness, uncertainty and boredom than more mainstream solutions such as medication, cognitive behavioral therapy and threats.

However, not everyone is convinced at the rise and rise of nanagement. A school of dissidents calling themselves "Theory Eggs Over Why" are pushing an alternative approach known simply as nagging.

"We find that nagging is just as effective as nannying in controlled tests," said a spokesperson for the group. "Our new, lightweight, n-agile (TM) method makes nagging accessible to everyone who wants to give it a whirl in the workplace."

Meanwhile, holistic consultants are working on a high-level portable synthesis of the competing methods, currently dubbed no-no-nano-nagile-nanagement.