Met Police Beatles Tribute Band Organise "Abbey Road" Event

Only one person shot.

The Damp Squid...

...is our latest loveable character concept especially crafted for kids from age zero to one hundred. Everyone who encounters him falls in love with his curmudgeonly wisdom and wet-look skin.

The Damp Squid's launch adventure sees him helping a swimmer in difficulties while learning about "peak oil" from a passing geologist. Charming illustrations - rendered in authentic squid ink - make the story one to treasure.

This perfect-bound, print-on-demand, straight-to-bargain-bin classic is now available at your nearest recycling centre.

Big Idea: Toast of the Town

This is the take-out restaurant format that's set to revolutionise the world of portable grilled meal solutions. And you can be a part of it.

The concept is: toast. White toast, brown toast, toast with hen's feet. Buttered toast. Toast with eight types of jam, toast with eight types of honey, toast with eight types of marmalade.

Skinny toast. Toast with crusts on the side. Toast with tea. (There's no coffee. Frankly, the world is awash with coffee.)

If you're British, you live on toast. If you could have a toaster on your desk at work, you'd have one. (Perhaps you do? Crumbs.)

But there's nowhere you can get a quick slice on the hoof. Until now! Until legions of entrepreneurs sign up as franchisees of Toast of the Town and spread our crunchy revolution across the world.

What you get for your initial £5,000 investment:

- a four-slot Dualit toaster
- 600 loaves of sliced bread (mixed varieties)
- a stylish Toast of the Town window decal
- complementary admission to our annual Intervention Butter Mountain indoor ski day (bring the kids! And a butter knife.)

Money Saving Tip

Catch one of the foxes living under your shed and make it into soap. If your neighbours have lavender growing in their garden, this can be used to scent the soap. Best to do all of this while the kids are at school and not on a day when the social workers are visiting.