... Taggart (July 7th or 14th, I forget which). I can't remember anything about the plot. Taggart is a very talky show, isn't it? They're always blathering.
... The Beat That My Heart Skipped (De battre mon coeur s'est arrêté). Unlikely pianist with implausible friends.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Friday, July 21, 2006
Star Secrets: Brad Pitt
Brad Pitt saves the saline solution that comes with disposable contact lenses and returns it to the ocean. It's the star's way of countering the lowering of sea levels associated with global warming.
He's also been known to good-naturedly bully fellow actors into donating their own saline solution - and even tears - to the project. Pitt insists that a distinctive plastic water butt is placed outside his trailer on set, so that cast and crew can donate their brine.
Meanwhile Pitt's Ocean's Whatever screenmate George Clooney is telling everyone who'll listen that Brad's barking up the wrong tree. According to Clooney, sea levels will rise as climate change melts the polar ice caps.
Clooney has told close associates that Pitt has miscalculated the effects of evaporation and failed to appreciate the totality of the water cycle.
Brad Pitt was not available for comment.
He's also been known to good-naturedly bully fellow actors into donating their own saline solution - and even tears - to the project. Pitt insists that a distinctive plastic water butt is placed outside his trailer on set, so that cast and crew can donate their brine.
Meanwhile Pitt's Ocean's Whatever screenmate George Clooney is telling everyone who'll listen that Brad's barking up the wrong tree. According to Clooney, sea levels will rise as climate change melts the polar ice caps.
Clooney has told close associates that Pitt has miscalculated the effects of evaporation and failed to appreciate the totality of the water cycle.
Brad Pitt was not available for comment.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Fruit Fries
Fruit Fries - the delicious new snack everyone is talking about... with their mouths full! Full of the crunchy, nutricious, golden-fried fruit pieces that everyone is talking about.
Fruit Fries are available in three handy take-anywhere pouches: small, tiny and microscopic.
Try a bag today! Try another bag tomorrow. Just keep trying them. (It helps if you keep your hand over your mouth.)
Nutritional Information: Fruit Fries do not contain fruit. Ingredients: water, dust, wild starch. Not recommended as part of a human diet.
Fruit Fries are available in three handy take-anywhere pouches: small, tiny and microscopic.
Try a bag today! Try another bag tomorrow. Just keep trying them. (It helps if you keep your hand over your mouth.)
Nutritional Information: Fruit Fries do not contain fruit. Ingredients: water, dust, wild starch. Not recommended as part of a human diet.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Who Is The World's Largest Sheriff?
The big news in the world of electronic canned meat is the junkworld debut of the World's Largest Sheriff. The so-far anonymous gargantuan law-maker has wires abuzz around the globe.
Theories are starting to emerge as to his - or her - identity. Some "internetters" believe the star in question is pinned to the chest of none other than Quentile Scarmover, previously the world's largest caretaker at Pittsburgh Seaworld. Others maintain that the giant sherriff is actually a newly formed volcano.
According to her - or his - agent, the World's Largest Sheriff is considering several offers for the rights to her - oh, alright, his - life story.
Theories are starting to emerge as to his - or her - identity. Some "internetters" believe the star in question is pinned to the chest of none other than Quentile Scarmover, previously the world's largest caretaker at Pittsburgh Seaworld. Others maintain that the giant sherriff is actually a newly formed volcano.
According to her - or his - agent, the World's Largest Sheriff is considering several offers for the rights to her - oh, alright, his - life story.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Friday, July 14, 2006
Put your kgwonlee to good use
"Deerges Baesd On Yuor Kgwonlee", promises an exciting new email...
Assuming I've got some kgwonlee - and I'll need to check the cupboards - I'm not sure I really need any more deerges. The last litter of deerges I had became infested with mites and I had to burn them all, then flush the ash down the lav.
Assuming I've got some kgwonlee - and I'll need to check the cupboards - I'm not sure I really need any more deerges. The last litter of deerges I had became infested with mites and I had to burn them all, then flush the ash down the lav.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Three more tracks from my fantasy remix album
4: Disastermovie - All One Word
5: Type A Horse - Garden Killing Tree Hugger
6: The Scallops - Out Of My Box
5: Type A Horse - Garden Killing Tree Hugger
6: The Scallops - Out Of My Box
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Monday, July 10, 2006
Cheap Flights Bonanza
Paper Planes
Originally uploaded by pilchard77.
Planes stacked up in the smog-heavy skies over Heathrow this morning.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Small Intestine Investor
The latest edition of Small Intestine Investor magazine (sadly not available on any web) has a fascinating article about stocks in spamming companies.
Not only are savvy investors piling into companies that send out emails telling people to invest in penny stocks, there are even new portfolio investment vehicles that let you take a position in "the spam of the spam".
This one really is a winer.
Next month Small Intestine Investor announces the recipient of its annual "Canned Meat Festival" award, rumored to be going to the team of junk mail junkies responsible for last winter's classic "This o\/er the counter sock is undre my radar NAME HERE" missive.
Not only are savvy investors piling into companies that send out emails telling people to invest in penny stocks, there are even new portfolio investment vehicles that let you take a position in "the spam of the spam".
This one really is a winer.
Next month Small Intestine Investor announces the recipient of its annual "Canned Meat Festival" award, rumored to be going to the team of junk mail junkies responsible for last winter's classic "This o\/er the counter sock is undre my radar NAME HERE" missive.
Monday, July 03, 2006
Friday, June 30, 2006
World Cup Live Scones
Have you enjoyed getting live scones from the World Cup direct to your desktop PC, mobile phone or set-top fish tank?
If so, you may want to sign up for our new online Wimbledon strawberries! These delicious e-strawberries will be available for download soon.
If so, you may want to sign up for our new online Wimbledon strawberries! These delicious e-strawberries will be available for download soon.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Pity Mr Sprüngli
The wonder chocolate known universally as Lindt is, to be strictly accurate, actually made by Lindt & Sprüngli. So who was Mr Sprüngli?
It seems that Rudolf Sprüngli got into the choc business first in Zurich, his family later taking over the factory of Rodolphe Lindt in Berne. (There was a later bust-up, with an illegal Lindt company trading on its own until it was "liquidated" in 1928.) But hey - you can catch up with the rest of Lindt's history at its informative website. Key quotes include:
"Between 1920 and 1945 the firm had to face almost unimaginable challenges"
"After the war, demand exploded first within the home market and later abroad"
and
"Due to the meteoric growth of the Lindt Group of companies, the Group’s structure was redesigned and a Kilchberg-based holding company was formed in 1994 whereby all the companies became wholly-owned subsidiaries of 'Chocoladefabriken Lindt & Sprüngli AG'. The former parent and manufactoring company in Kilchberg thus was renamed 'Chocoladefabriken Lindt & Sprüngli (Schweiz) AG'"
Interestingly, Rudolf-with-an-eff was clean-shaven, while Rudolphe-with-a-pee-aitch had a moustache.
It seems that Rudolf Sprüngli got into the choc business first in Zurich, his family later taking over the factory of Rodolphe Lindt in Berne. (There was a later bust-up, with an illegal Lindt company trading on its own until it was "liquidated" in 1928.) But hey - you can catch up with the rest of Lindt's history at its informative website. Key quotes include:
"Between 1920 and 1945 the firm had to face almost unimaginable challenges"
"After the war, demand exploded first within the home market and later abroad"
and
"Due to the meteoric growth of the Lindt Group of companies, the Group’s structure was redesigned and a Kilchberg-based holding company was formed in 1994 whereby all the companies became wholly-owned subsidiaries of 'Chocoladefabriken Lindt & Sprüngli AG'. The former parent and manufactoring company in Kilchberg thus was renamed 'Chocoladefabriken Lindt & Sprüngli (Schweiz) AG'"
Interestingly, Rudolf-with-an-eff was clean-shaven, while Rudolphe-with-a-pee-aitch had a moustache.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Job Ad Jargon
Here's the first part of my handy guide to job ad jargon. I hope you find it useful!
"You are a highly motivated self-starter": We have no idea what this role entails.
"£ NEG": Negligible payment
"Must have XML/UML": ... and believe that they are the same thing.
"Some travel required": We have no offices.
"A fantastic opportunity to move to the next level": ...downwards.
"You are a highly motivated self-starter": We have no idea what this role entails.
"£ NEG": Negligible payment
"Must have XML/UML": ... and believe that they are the same thing.
"Some travel required": We have no offices.
"A fantastic opportunity to move to the next level": ...downwards.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Goodbye, Long Falcon
Synopsis:
Private detective Bertie Simms is hired to drop a small rock from the roof of the Bradbury building. When it lands on the head of LAPD commissioner Prescott Lamplighter, Simms realizes he has been framed for the murder of Gnat "Gnegligible" Smolfins, a suburban hoodlum who controls the olive oil supply from the Owens Valley. On the run from the cops, the feds and the fops, Simms seeks refuge in a Santa Monica church. There he discovers a Nazi-backed plot to drill into the sea bed beneath the pier, drain the ocean and sell the new real estate to people from the mid-west.
Private detective Bertie Simms is hired to drop a small rock from the roof of the Bradbury building. When it lands on the head of LAPD commissioner Prescott Lamplighter, Simms realizes he has been framed for the murder of Gnat "Gnegligible" Smolfins, a suburban hoodlum who controls the olive oil supply from the Owens Valley. On the run from the cops, the feds and the fops, Simms seeks refuge in a Santa Monica church. There he discovers a Nazi-backed plot to drill into the sea bed beneath the pier, drain the ocean and sell the new real estate to people from the mid-west.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Interstitial Power
Scientists have discovered a means of harnessing the power latent in interstitial ads - the blink-and-you-miss-'em commercials that savvy website operators use to snare twenty-first century eyeballs.
Each blipvert releases a tiny amount of energy that is usually lost to the environment, thus contributing to global warming. But by inserting a tiny gold wire in each web page, and linking the wires up to a sophisticated global network, scientists at MIT have managed to aggregate the wasted power and direct it to the benefit of human kind.
A public demonstration of the new technology showed 98 million separate "browsing instantiations" generating a respectable 1.2 volts for a duration of eight seconds, and lighting a small flashlight bulb.
The latest subliminal ads for a well-known restaurant chain are the first commercials to come pre-laced with the energy-collecting wires. It's claimed the new worldwide "I'm shovin' it" campaign will directly offset the environmental impact of 17 trillion fries.
Each blipvert releases a tiny amount of energy that is usually lost to the environment, thus contributing to global warming. But by inserting a tiny gold wire in each web page, and linking the wires up to a sophisticated global network, scientists at MIT have managed to aggregate the wasted power and direct it to the benefit of human kind.
A public demonstration of the new technology showed 98 million separate "browsing instantiations" generating a respectable 1.2 volts for a duration of eight seconds, and lighting a small flashlight bulb.
The latest subliminal ads for a well-known restaurant chain are the first commercials to come pre-laced with the energy-collecting wires. It's claimed the new worldwide "I'm shovin' it" campaign will directly offset the environmental impact of 17 trillion fries.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
The Uninflected Rage of Davina Belpaese
A new print of Wim Flinsky's arthouse classic was unveiled today at the prestigious Balhambra cinemateque in south London.
The new print was made possible by a cash injection from the UK National Lottery, with matching funds supplied by EuroKultur.
Film buffs are now launching a new appeal, aimed at raising enough to thread the new print onto the Balhambra's projector.
The new print was made possible by a cash injection from the UK National Lottery, with matching funds supplied by EuroKultur.
Film buffs are now launching a new appeal, aimed at raising enough to thread the new print onto the Balhambra's projector.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
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