Cheese theft
Police were called Sunday to Cub Foods, 2600 Rice Creek Road, on a theft report. A Cub security officer said she saw a man entering and leaving the bathroom of the store several times. The man then left the store, and allegedly tried to break into three vehicles, including the security officer's vehicle. She confronted the man, who told her he had cheese in his pocket and it was not paid for. Police asked the man why he was trying to get into the vehicles, and he said he was cold. The man was cited for shoplifting and motor-vehicle tampering. Police gave him a ride home.
St. Paul Pioneer Press, 28 January 2005 [subscription required]

British Culture Triumphs in Hollywood

"I am ashamed of the drink-punch-smash-vomit culture which has spread like an ugly acne on the face of our once proud towns and cities." Steve Green, Chief Constable of Nottinghamshire Police. The Scotsman, 22 January 2005.

"I'm too scared to put on a dress in case the baby vomits on it." Cate Blanchett, Oscar (R) nominee. Ananova, 1 February 2005.

"Yeah, I'd love to be skinny like you, but I couldn't give up eating vinyl."

Picture: The Virtual Radiogram

Skip, Surbiton. (Or "skip Surbiton", if you're in a hurry.)

I'd like to think this Walton-on-Thames firm was founded by Mr Fox, and then he brought his daughters into the business. I'm too timid to call them and ask them, but look - the number's there if you want to have a go.

We thought it was mould, but it was just a jay cloth that had got shredded, and baked into the loaf. Yum yum.

...the Ontario Coalition Against Poverty did not steal any steak last week. Instead, they stole — or rather they claim to have stolen — chicken, diapers and razor blades; two tins of salmon; a jar of peanut butter; also some cheese.
Toronto Star, 7 October 2004

BLOOMINGTON, Ind., Sept. 27, 2004 -- Canadian author,columnist and entertainer Gordon Kirkland announced todaythat his next book, "When My Mind Wanders It Brings Back Souvenirs," will be released by U.S. publisher AuthorHousein the spring of 2005.
eReleases Newsbureau

When My Mind Wanders I Tack Photocopied Appeals For Its Return On Neighbourhood Trees.

B-LOONY LTD
Acquired By BIMBO
Sector: Promotional Products
T/O: £4m
Oasis Europe

Q: Anything to add to the Trite List for 2003?
The poster child for tired branding buzzwords would have to be “Extreme,” which registered an inexplicable 20% increase in 2003. Among the wild-and-crazy products that fancied themselves extreme were cake mix, beef jerky, fishing lures, conveyor belts, tricycles, refrigerator magnets, clip-on sunglasses and pudding. Please put this one out of its misery.
The Naming Newsletter, Rivkin & Associates, 21 September 2004

"If you have 844 paper clips in your drawer, take some back to the storage unit," she said.
South Bend Tribune, 11 September 2004.

BOZEMAN (AP) — Vandalism at the Gallatin County Republican headquarters has been under investigation by police.
Damage included a shattered window, and on the outside walls, spray-painted messages against President Bush. The front door was coated with eggs and a substance resembling cottage cheese.
Helena Independent Record, 5 September 2004.

EL PORTAL
Someone stole a dolly from a front yard in the 100 block of Northeast 87th Street, sometime between 9:45 and 10:25 a.m. Aug. 1. The homeowner said she left the dolly near the roadway after putting her trash out.
Miami Herald, 19 August 2004.

Daniel Mainwaring
His first whodunnit novel, published in 1936, was The Doctor Died at Dusk. Written under an English-sounding and, in the future, often used nom de plume, Geoffrey Holmes, it featured journalist Robin Bishop. In his 1938 Then There Were Three, Mainwaring summoned up a new investigator, the milk-drinking, accordian-playing private detective Humphrey Campbell. Four years later, in The Street of Crying Women, he introduced Hispanic cop, Jose Manual Madero, a Zapotec Indian who knits socks and smokes cigarettes after flipping them in the air and catching them between his lips. Robin Bishop would go on to feature in The Man Who Murdered Himself (1936), The Man Who Didn't Exist (1937) and The Man Who Murdered Goliath (1938).
from Heartbreak and Vine: The Fate of Hardboiled Writers in Hollywood by Woody Haut (2002)

Important Stats
The James Bond film Licence To Kill would have been called Licence Revoked, only 85% of Americans tested didn't know what 'revoked' means. But in another survey, 93% did know what the Betty Ford Clinic was, and what it does.

[Sent to Harry Hill's TV Burp]

Hello,

My stapler looks like Phil Mitchell from Eastenders.

Here's a shot of the stapler duetting with my mobile phone in a stunning tableau-style tribute.

Do let me know if you'd like me to add ketchup.



Phil Mitchell?

Phil Mitchell...

"Every once in a while we get some of the beautifully colored paper clips," Lipps said. While the company doesn't purchase them, staffers "hold onto them for very special things."
http://www.coshoctontribune.com/news/stories/20031228/localnews/126040.html

Cheese In History: The Captions
#001

Several young men of the village joined the parmesans in the hills.

Haven't heard from me? Well, I switched off mail reception from cupcake.com a month or so ago because the spam was becoming intolerable, and I'm too cheap to pay for a decent spam filter. But I just switched it on and it's now downloading 85,497 messages. So, I'll be getting back to you, obviously.

At the age of 90 he was given a doctor's certificate of fitness to drive and promptly drove 500 miles to an origami conference.